We had no idea how the Lord would use this book to change my life.
Fear had taken root in my heart. Fears that I kept to myself and didn't tell anyone about. Fears that the enemy took and magnified into gigantic fears that consumed my heart. Fears that the enemy used to keep me from being the person God meant for me to be.
Inside the book cover David wrote the following: "Julie, I love you and I want you to enjoy this book. May it lift your heart! David
As I began reading 1000 Gifts the tears began to flow. Just as Ann experienced a loved one's death; I too have experienced the loss of dear ones. First the death of my dad when I was 11, and then my mom's unexpected death six years ago.
Ann writes, "From my own beginning, my sister's death tears a hole in the canvas of the world. Losses do that. One life-loss can infect the whole of a life. Like a rash that wears through our days, our sight becomes peppered with black voids. Now everywhere we look, we only see all that isn't: holes, lack, deficiency." She writes that she would have written this story differently. I could so relate to this. I would have written my story differently too as I would have loved for my dad to know David and our three children. I would have loved for them to know my dad. I would love to be able to call my mom to brag on her grandchildren or to help when I have a question that I need answers to.
Many times I came close to telling David my deepest fears, the fears that were consuming my heart; but the enemy would throw lies my way and cause me to be afraid of what David would say or make me think that he would stop loving me if he really knew.
I read my new book, I read and I read. I wept and I wept. God was building up my courage to talk to David about my fears. I read how Ann's life began to change as she began to live with an attitude of gratitude each day; whatever came her way. She became fully alive and I desired the same. I so wanted to live fully alive; not weighed down by my fears. I was living tired, afraid, anxious and weary just as Ann wrote in the early chapters of her book. I didn't want to live that way anymore.
Tuesday, August 14th, I spent the day reading. I wanted to share my fears with David that night. I wrote out verses in my journal that afternoon. I read Matthew 6:25-34 over and over.
That night I sat by David and I shared my heart. I told him all the fears I had let consume me. He had great compassion and loved me still. The enemy couldn't use my fears any more. When we keep things hidden inside the enemy can really use them against us. Proverbs 28:13 says, "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion."
I felt free!!! God's Word began to come alive again to me. I truly feel like a brand new creature. I am no longer weighed down by my fears. I am not living tired, anxious or weary.
We have just completed 15 years of homeschooling. Our youngest is now in college and our house is empty during the day. Now it is just me and our sweet Millie dog at home during the day. I am in the process of looking for a part time job but until I hear back from two interviews I am LOVING unhurried time in God's Word. I am LOVING sitting at His feet, pouring out my heart of Thanksgiving for what He has done and is doing in my heart. Thanksgiving for delivering me from being fearful.
I knew that my 52 Weeks of Cakes blog wasn't the right place to pour my heart of thanksgiving out so I began this blog tonight.
I have started my own list of 1000 things I am thankful for. Living with a heart of Thanksgiving really does change a life.
Ann writes, "The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live... He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything."
On August 14th, 2012, I rededicated my life to Christ. My fears were no longer secret. The enemy could no longer use them to torment me.
On August 25th, David baptized me at our church picnic. Yes, me, the pastor's wife was baptized by my pastor husband. It truly was a beautiful experience. I felt God's presence in such a precious way and will always remember my baptism. I was baptized when I was 11 but only because the pastor told me I had to be baptized if I wanted to see my daddy again. I was baptized last Saturday for all of the right reasons. I want to SHINE for Christ with no hindrances of fear.
I am His new creation and my heart overflows with Thanksgiving.
Julie
